So after sending me a good bye on Myspace.com she pops into chat.
And this is where we went.

(07:44:21 PM) pjh36texas: I never meant to hurt you, I swear
(07:44:29 PM) Ed: you lied to me
(07:44:44 PM) pjh36texas: how did i lie
(07:49:06 PM) Ed: if there was no one else whats with you and Joe. whos the new crush? Funny you and Joe both change you mood to loved on the same day. You were too upset to talk. But you Were on myspace telling Joe how you missed him but its alright cause you were on the phone together. You cant talk to me on saturday. the guy that you said you wanted to be with on friday. But Joe.. Oh thats a different story. I asked three times was there someone else. Now you say its so guys wont message you. What the hell were all those text for two days about if you were gonna do this any way? If you knew then why didnt you say? Like I said last week. I knew something was up when you would not return a call.. I cant call you because you are too upset and you need space. But you sent him love notes?
You need space and time but you post a bulletin saying you are looking for a boyfriend? You need me in your life on Wendsday but you dont want to speak to me anymore on Thursday? You had this cooked up to start with.
You lied
(07:52:17 PM) pjh36texas: You can believe what you want, i didnt lie
(07:53:25 PM) Ed: then define it
(07:53:41 PM) pjh36texas: I did in my email.
(07:53:54 PM) Ed: not really.
(07:55:13 PM) pjh36texas: I'm sorry, your really not going to listen to me anyway, but you are accusing me of things i havent done
(07:55:26 PM) pjh36texas: And please tell your friends to stop sending me ugly emails
(07:55:41 PM) Ed: they are? who?
(07:56:17 PM) pjh36texas: Edward you know who
(07:56:39 PM) Ed: gads, who is it
(07:56:53 PM) pjh36texas: I may have not done the best with all of this but i would have never done this to you, the email was nasty
(07:57:30 PM) Ed: what email? i dont know what you are talking about. what email?
(07:57:42 PM) pjh36texas: YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MANS EMOTIONS. DO U REALLY THINK HE BELIEVES THE BULLSHIT U ARE TRYING TO FEED HIM? YOU ARE THE LOWEST FEMALE I THINK I HAVE EVER SEEN. NO FEMALE I HAVE EVER KNOWN THAT HAS BEEN CHEATED ON WOULD EVER DO THAT TO ANOTHER PERSON. THATS OK THOUGH BECAUSE I GUARANTEE YOU WILL GET YOURS. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM EDWARD AND IF YOU EVER FUCK WITH HIM AGAIN ILL PERSONALLY DRIVE DOWN THERE JUST FOR A VISIT. AND DONT YOU WORRY EDWARD IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH HAPPIER WITHOUT YOU. OH AND ANOTHER THING. JOE WILL KNOW WHAT UR UP TO... I WILL BE SENDING HIM THE LOGS OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING EDWARD OF I WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND DONT GIVE UP ON ME. JUST SO HE KNOWS THE LIAR AND CHEATER HE IS DEALING WITH. SO GO AHEAD AND COME UP WITH ANOTHER LIE TO COVER THAT SHIT UP. KARMA BITES
(07:57:53 PM) pjh36texas: That hurt
(07:58:02 PM) pjh36texas: more than you will ever no
(07:58:02 PM) Ed: what the hell? who?
(07:58:30 PM) Ed: ohhhh
(07:58:35 PM) Ed: ok.. i got it...
(07:58:39 PM) Ed: ok
(07:58:42 PM) Ed: i know
(07:58:43 PM) pjh36texas: I told you the biggest thing was i didnt want you to get hurt or to bring you down with me through this, yet your friend sends me this email, thanks alot
(07:59:14 PM) Ed: for the record... you still didnt answer the question. . You were too upset to talk. But you Were on myspace telling Joe how you missed him but its alright cause you were on the phone together. You cant talk to me on saturday.
(08:01:17 PM) Ed: so... tell me. why would i believe you
(08:05:09 PM) pjh36texas: To be honest its not going to do me any good to explain anything to you, you have already made up your mind about the situation and me
(08:05:19 PM) pjh36texas: you suprised me, you werent the person i thought you would
(08:05:41 PM) pjh36texas: i do hope you have a happy life, i never meant any harm to come to you, at all, i promise whether you believe it or not
(08:05:43 PM) pjh36texas: bye edward
(08:05:53 PM) Ed: bye
(08:07:23 PM) Ed: but you coulda tried to tell me anyway

She never answered me. Not once.
Her sister started emailing me. Same stuff.

So tell me?
Did I overreact? I dont think so.
Instead of her trying to talk to me, her sister emails me.
Repeatedly.

Well. I think Im done.
Kaput.
She lied.
She canceled to go out with someone else.
Which I dont get. IT was her idea to go out.
I found a message she sent to him. It was posted after she told me she was to upset to talk. She told him she missed him and enjoyed their time together.

Never got to the first kiss. Only saw her one time.
I really dont get it. When she stopped calling or returning email, I asked was everything alright. Se said it was and everything was great.
The next day, I sent her two messages asking how she was doing.
She never replied to either
She did not call or email for a week. when I finally said I need to know whats happening she said, "Im a private person and I get withdrawn"
Ok no problem
She suggested we meet for dinner and a movie.
"We need to spend time together" is what she said
So we plan the date. Down to where and when I should be there.
An hour before she messages me. "Crap going on, Will call later.Too upset to talk"
So I wait. She never calls.
I dont call. I send one message at 930 saying have a good night.
No answer.
This morning I message.
"Are you alright? Will you talk to me?"
What I get back is a long email about how a friend died and she needs some space to deal. We talk about it. She says this is not goodbye.
Sure no problem. Im a reasonable guy. She'll be back when she has a handle on it.

Tonight, she messages me.
"Have a good night".
So figure eh.. go tooling around on the net. Go to myspace.com, check my mail.
Look at her profile and there is another guy moved ahead of me.
Thats weird. Whos this? Her brother?
Nope its her Ex
Hmm. curious right?
I click his name. There it is.
Her message to him. about how much she missed him and enjoyed talking to him. The same time she told me she was too upset to talk.
So..
There was no death.
She lied.
I asked her point blank Thursday if there was someone else.
She lied.
And most important. If there was someone else WHY THE FUCK did she start this at-all?

Just ...
Giving up on everything

Well.
We are on hold.
She had a friend die Friday.
Which really really sucks.
Alot.
She needs space. I can giver her that
I wish I could be there with her. Hold her hand while she goes through it.

I had to take the other post down. It just needed to go.
I have two reasons for it actually.
The first being more people than I wanted or even thought would see it.
I did not expect more than three or four people to even look at it.
When I really thought about who might see it I started to worry about how i looked. Just goes to show. You should not drink and blog. You write dumbshit you wish you hadnt. so let that be a lesson to ya kids.
Dont get to drinking and blogging.


The second and most important is I have to eat some crow.
Yea yeah. Gonna fry it up nice with a side of DOH.
Mmm crow! Thats good eatin.


I was talking to a friend yesterday. It started pretty simple.
Chillin. boppin and what not. Having a nice turkey day with the guys and their wives. Laughing at football and them. When I got a call.
She had had somethings that were going on and we hadnt talked in a while.
NO, Not DQ-L. Gods no. Rather be a eunic than go there.
Anyway. We talk about whats been going on with her and why she hadnt contacted me. She explains it all.
So she and I are talking and she starts saying some really nice things about me. Which kinda throws me cause my normal reaction is, "ok. what do you want"
Turns out she was afraid to tell me how she felt.
Dont know why. It aint like Im gonna bite her.
I know Im all acidic and stuff but there are reasons and times for it.

Well. we talk about it some more and we are going to see where it leads. And heres the kicker. She doesnt know about this site.

Through my whole embarrassing mess, two of my friends stood firm. The two that knew what was happening with me. Lance and Amber.
And even after all my blubber and nonsense they are still my friends.
Personaly I dont know how they do it. Im a nut-job.
And I woulda had me committed.
Indian sent me a really sweet note too. And I thank her with all my heart. What she said meant a lot to me. More than I can say.

So there it is. Now if you excuse me. I gotta finish this book.
How Not to Be a Dumbass.

HI Ya'll been busy.
Have a lotta stuff going on.
going to Georgia for vacation next week.. No internet


In the mean time. Say Hi to my friend
Amber.
she is over at the orange orangutan and could use some love.