Well. I think Im done.
Kaput.
She lied.
She canceled to go out with someone else.
Which I dont get. IT was her idea to go out.
I found a message she sent to him. It was posted after she told me she was to upset to talk. She told him she missed him and enjoyed their time together.

Never got to the first kiss. Only saw her one time.
I really dont get it. When she stopped calling or returning email, I asked was everything alright. Se said it was and everything was great.
The next day, I sent her two messages asking how she was doing.
She never replied to either
She did not call or email for a week. when I finally said I need to know whats happening she said, "Im a private person and I get withdrawn"
Ok no problem
She suggested we meet for dinner and a movie.
"We need to spend time together" is what she said
So we plan the date. Down to where and when I should be there.
An hour before she messages me. "Crap going on, Will call later.Too upset to talk"
So I wait. She never calls.
I dont call. I send one message at 930 saying have a good night.
No answer.
This morning I message.
"Are you alright? Will you talk to me?"
What I get back is a long email about how a friend died and she needs some space to deal. We talk about it. She says this is not goodbye.
Sure no problem. Im a reasonable guy. She'll be back when she has a handle on it.

Tonight, she messages me.
"Have a good night".
So figure eh.. go tooling around on the net. Go to myspace.com, check my mail.
Look at her profile and there is another guy moved ahead of me.
Thats weird. Whos this? Her brother?
Nope its her Ex
Hmm. curious right?
I click his name. There it is.
Her message to him. about how much she missed him and enjoyed talking to him. The same time she told me she was too upset to talk.
So..
There was no death.
She lied.
I asked her point blank Thursday if there was someone else.
She lied.
And most important. If there was someone else WHY THE FUCK did she start this at-all?

Just ...
Giving up on everything

Well.
We are on hold.
She had a friend die Friday.
Which really really sucks.
Alot.
She needs space. I can giver her that
I wish I could be there with her. Hold her hand while she goes through it.

I had to take the other post down. It just needed to go.
I have two reasons for it actually.
The first being more people than I wanted or even thought would see it.
I did not expect more than three or four people to even look at it.
When I really thought about who might see it I started to worry about how i looked. Just goes to show. You should not drink and blog. You write dumbshit you wish you hadnt. so let that be a lesson to ya kids.
Dont get to drinking and blogging.


The second and most important is I have to eat some crow.
Yea yeah. Gonna fry it up nice with a side of DOH.
Mmm crow! Thats good eatin.


I was talking to a friend yesterday. It started pretty simple.
Chillin. boppin and what not. Having a nice turkey day with the guys and their wives. Laughing at football and them. When I got a call.
She had had somethings that were going on and we hadnt talked in a while.
NO, Not DQ-L. Gods no. Rather be a eunic than go there.
Anyway. We talk about whats been going on with her and why she hadnt contacted me. She explains it all.
So she and I are talking and she starts saying some really nice things about me. Which kinda throws me cause my normal reaction is, "ok. what do you want"
Turns out she was afraid to tell me how she felt.
Dont know why. It aint like Im gonna bite her.
I know Im all acidic and stuff but there are reasons and times for it.

Well. we talk about it some more and we are going to see where it leads. And heres the kicker. She doesnt know about this site.

Through my whole embarrassing mess, two of my friends stood firm. The two that knew what was happening with me. Lance and Amber.
And even after all my blubber and nonsense they are still my friends.
Personaly I dont know how they do it. Im a nut-job.
And I woulda had me committed.
Indian sent me a really sweet note too. And I thank her with all my heart. What she said meant a lot to me. More than I can say.

So there it is. Now if you excuse me. I gotta finish this book.
How Not to Be a Dumbass.

HI Ya'll been busy.
Have a lotta stuff going on.
going to Georgia for vacation next week.. No internet


In the mean time. Say Hi to my friend
Amber.
she is over at the orange orangutan and could use some love.

Um. Today has been strange. Just bizarre.
I got a Secret crush email from someone.
And to top it off someone I was really into several years ago messaged me.
Just out of the blue. Told me they really missed me and gave me their new number. To top it all off she apologized for the disappearing act.

What is happening here?
Did my greatness suddenly become broadcast?

I dont know what it is, but you know what?
I Like it.