I seem to be inundated with people needing relationship help lately. which is really funny when you think about it. I am a divorced guy living alone. I haven't had a date since, since... hmmm.. subtract the 2, carry the one. square root that. Ok nevermind.
Anyway. People have been coming to me lately looking for relationship advise. And some of it is just... Just wow.
Like, should I tell Carol that I was in a homosexual relationship before her?
I said no. You really don't want to do this. Not because she will loose respect for you or anything like that. No, she is going to want to meet him. And trust me on this. You think listening to a current girl-friend and an old-girlfriend talk and dish about you is bad? Imagine its another guy. They're sitting there talking about the face you make during sex. Whenever one of them leaves the room the other one is hitting on you. And if you and the current break up. She will tell. She will tell. Everyone. If you piss her off enough she will call your mom. "Mr H. do you know what your son was doing last year?"
Not a good place to be.

Female friends asking me whats wrong with guys. "Why is it that guys wont share feelings with you?"
Um, we're guys. We don't do that. We especially don't do it with women we hope to sleep with. Why? Because you will say that phrase. The one that tells us we are damned for all eternity and there shall never be a way back. "Awww. You're cute." Every guy knows from that moment on we are dead from the waist down to you. We might as well put on a skirt and start helping you with your hair.

A male friend and I are having a drink after his recent breakup.
"why do women make it so hard?" he asks me. I tell him they really don't, he just needs to be a little more stringent in his choices.
this solicits the common, "whaddayamean?"
"Dude. I met your last three. And I know what troubles you had before the breakup. Next time you think she's the one ask this question."
"Have you had sex with a member of your own family. If so was it more than once."
If the answer to that is 'yes and yes', run. Run fast. Run long.

Of course watching my friend's shenanigans and my own recent dating disasters have led me to still be amazed when I see couples.
Lets face it. Most of us are screwed up. All people have a little bottle of crazy that they try to hide from the rest of the world. well, most people do. And people put too many stipulations on the relationship possibilities.
'He/she must weigh this much. They have to earn this much. They have to be this tall, or this pretty.'
So much nonsense people rarely ever actually LOOK at each other.
If everybody put down the blinders for a day and looked around they would find some pretty great people standing next to them.

PEACE

Im turning into a freak. I just realized I have been sitting here for two hours looking at Linux boot screens. Fiending for a download to finish because I cant wait to install Puppy Linux on my Laptop.
Planning on staying late so I can get the download and install done.

Here is what it should look like
Puppy Linux

Wait. Stop
If you are easily offended do not read this.
I am serious. If you have problems with language stop now.
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I want to know. Yes its rhetorical. I doubt anyone knows.
Why is it that if you are kind to a woman she says she cant date you because you are too nice? What is that? Some backwards Moon logic? "He doesnt hit me or call me names, so I dont like him"? you try to be helpful. You go when they need you. Answer the phone when they call you at odd hours. Listen to them cry about some jerk you dont give a rat's ass about. In the end, they walk off with some bozo and leave you standing looking like A first class shmuck. "Gee thank you. Now that you have helped me out, Im off to an idiot to have lots of sex. Wheee."
The minute you say, "look, you need to stop calling me. This is not my life." Oh well then, its "You dont care. You arent her friend." Never mind you were there picking her drunk ass up off the floor when she was crying because her last flavor of the month left. No, now you're
the jerk.
What the hell is wrong with people seriously?
Im a nice guy and Im fun but Im black, so they cant see me?. Tell me something. When did we go back in time and why didnt I get a fucking memo? Jerk boy cheated on you 4 times. Once with your mother. He hasnt had a job in a year. I have had a job everyday since I was 19 , I have my own home and a new car. I dont have an arrest record, and unlike your usual choices never been on Cops.
How in the hell is he a better choice than me?
Mommy and daddy wont approve? Well thats great. Next time your kid is starving call them! Oh I forgot you did. They would not help. Told you it wasnt their problem.

And then people come to me and say Im cranky and cynical? Well damn. I wonder why that is?

I dont know where to start with this. A school built in a field of a hundred or more graves. Small children sitting on headstones eating lunch. Playing tag and hide-and-seek amongst the tombs. I understand the lack of land issue, but who thought this up? Young children are very impressionable. Holding classes around or near a graveyard was bound to bring this kind of issue to the surface.
No matter how open minded a society is, death and spirits have a primordial place in our psyches.



PATNA, India (Reuters) - Scores of Indian children attending a school located in a graveyard were having recurring nightmares about ghosts and have appealed to authorities to shift them from the site, officials and residents said. "I have stopped going to school after many dead people walked out of their graves and came into my dreams, ordering me to reach school on time," said six-year-old Raqib Ansari. This week, hundreds of children at the school in the eastern state of Bihar, accompanied by their parents, marched to the office of a senior district official, asking for the school to be shifted away from the Muslim graveyard. About 200 children study in the makeshift school set up several years ago after authorities refused to donate land for a school in Kohari village, 125 miles southwest of the state capital, Patna. Some parents say their children's sleep and health is being affected by dreams of ghosts. "They used to play and study together and finish their lunch boxes while sitting on top of concrete graves but now the ghosts have come to haunt them at night and they are falling ill," said one father, Riyazuddin Ansari. "We have no choice as the nearest other school is at least four hours away," he said by phone from Kohari. There are more than 100 tombs in the graveyard but dozens of fresh graves -- most of them shallow -- have been dug in recent months, further crowding the burial ground. Authorities in densely populated Bihar said they were trying to provide new land for the school. "Maybe the dead are not enjoying the noise inside the graveyard any more, but we are looking into the matter," said Ram Yash Singh, a village council official.

Things just keep getting stranger. I have no idea what to make of last night. I have gotten used to a certain level of peculiar. Last night however was down right surreal.

I stopped at the store as usual to buy food. something nice to cook. I noticed a rather flustered red-head woman in-front of the store.

Ignoring her I went inside and did my shopping. When I left the store she was no longer standing outside. I started driving and noticed her again further down the street. She was walking and had a general look of stress about her. When I stopped at the stop sign she ran up to my window. "Help me please". Well you know what that means. My chest puffs up, my cape unfurls and I start polishing my breastplate. When I asked what was wrong she stated that she had just moved here and was lost and scared. I agree to help her, especially since where she wants to go is thirteen blocks away. Being that she is lost she would probably never find it. so she jumps into the car.

Along the way she starts to tell me how her boyfriend left her at home with nothing to eat (the rat). Then she proceeds to tell me how he has changed alot and he is really mean to her. He yells and degrades her alot. when she calls him, he hangs up on her (the fiend). She desperately wants to leave him, but she is scared and has nowhere to go (Big Hazel eyes). She tells me how she is just so tired of men treating her like trash (poor thing). they lost everything because he would not work (lazy). Now he and she live with a friend of his and all she has is the clothes she is wearing (a low cut sundress). all she really needs is someone to help her so that she can leave him. She's afraid of him. I ask the obvious question, and she answers. "I told you. I have nowhere to go. I just moved here two months ago from New York. You are really nice. I wish he was as sweet as you are" (uh huh). She notices that I seem skeptical. "No really. you dont know me and you are helping me. You dont know how many people I talked to before you came by." Generally, she continues on in the same vein. She is shaking and wringing her hands, hoping that I can get her home before he knows she is gone.

After ten minutes or so I realize she doesnt know what street she lives on. So I turn around. Another fifteen minutes and we find "the apartments". She got the street name wrong. I park across the street and watch her run in.

She forgot to drop the McDonalds bag. I think 'boyfriend' will figure it out. Before she left she asked for a number to call me, so she could feel there was someone to call if he hurts her, 'cause I made her feel safe. (blows on breatsplate. sun glare from my bald pate)

I drove home and did my normal thing. (We have saved the day again faithful horse. Away into the sunset) I do not expect to hear from her. But wow, what a weird night...

BTW...dont some porn movies start this way?